Pieces

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Being Prepared Brings Peace

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I’m grateful for things that bring me peace…

Some time ago I was riding the Trax in the city.  As you get on and off the train, nobody is there checking your ticket to verify that you have one.  I wondered how they could trust that everyone was being honest and purchasing tickets to ride.  In conversation with someone, I was told that an officer randomly boards the train and walks up and down the aisles asking to see everyones’ tickets.  If someone is found without a ticket, they are kicked off the train and fined.  If they are a repeat offender, criminal charges may even go into effect.

On one of the trips I was taking, an officer did board the train randomly and checked all of our tickets.  I thought about how my train ride was relaxing and peaceful.  I wasn’t in constant fear about whether or not an officer was going to board the train and ask for my ticket.  I had a ticket; I was prepared.  And so I was able to ride in peace.

This principle applies to so many situations.  When I am working to be spiritually prepared, I feel so much more at peace. I’m happier with myself and I pay more attention to people around me who may need my help. For those who live in areas where disasters often occur, if they prepare their homes in secure ways, and have extra food and water stored for emergencies, they can feel a lot more peace instead of being in constant fear while awaiting a disaster.

I’m discovering that this principle also applies to health.  As I work to prepare my body to be healed, I am finding more peace along the way, even when the hard times hit.  I look back and realize that the various doctors I’ve gone to have been teaching me about preparing my body for healing before it’s ready to fight off the offenders.  This preparation phase includes building up the immune system through various herbs, supplements, emotional releases, de-stressing, de-toxing and using other natural methods.  Preparing my body for healing is bringing me peace, which in turn causes greater healing.

So as I go along this journey of life and healing, I’m grateful that I’m learning how I can sit back and enjoy the ride and be at peace.  The more I prepare myself spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally, the more peace I am finding.  And that’s a much greater way to ride!!

 

Photo by Tadeu Jnr on Unsplash

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Vision

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I’m grateful for the hope that a clear vision gives me…

Imagine yourself standing on the top of a high mountain peak.  You feel exhilarated, and the view from where you are is spectacular.  From this viewpoint you can see beautiful green trees, snow-capped mountains, blue sky filled with white fluffy clouds, and winding streams and rivers below.   And in the far distance, past the mountains, valleys, trees and streams, you have a clear view of the horizon.  It’s a breathtaking sight, where the sun is setting and creating a myriad of colors that swirl and blend together.  The sight of the horizon is so magnificent!  Although you can see many beauties between where you are and where it is, you are drawn to the magnificence of the horizon.  You desire more than anything to go to that place.

The horizon represents a goal or goals that you want in your life.  It could be something spiritual, physical, emotional or mental.  For me, it represents different things at different times.  It always has a spiritual meaning to me; having my eye firmly fixed on things of eternity.  But it also represents other things as I set new goals.  Currently, my horizon is a healthy and energetic body.  That’s what I see when I look past all the obstacles and into the vivid colors on the other side.  I know I must go through the valleys and rivers below, and up and down many mountains before I can reach my destination.  I know that there will be many hardships, various roads to choose, and unseen challenges along the way.  But from the spot where I am now, on top of the mountain peak, I can see that it’s possible to get to the horizon.  And it’s worth it!!

For years I have tried to just live with my chronic illness.  I’ve often tried to pretend that it wasn’t really there, or to ignore it and push through the symptoms.  It seemed that I was always able to do that for a while, but then things would come crashing in and I would hit a downward slope.  During those low times, I would finally recognize that I couldn’t go on like this, and that there truly was something wrong.  So I would start searching for answers again.  I would go back to doctors and begin the long process of tests, specialists, appointments and more tests.  After pursing this road for a while, trying to be patient while waiting in between each visit or test, I would once again come to a point of feeling like there was no hope as the results would come back over and over again as “normal”.  I appeared to be a very healthy woman, so the doctors wouldn’t know what to do after a while.  I would then go through a process of feeling hopeless, then after a while I would convince myself to keep pushing forward and go about “as if nothing was wrong”.  And then the whole cycle would start over again.  About a year and a half ago as I hit a downslope and was feeling weaker than ever, after my period of feeling hopeless for a while, I became more determined than ever to get to the root of my health problems and begin a journey of healing.  At that moment it was as though I was at the top of that mountain peak, looking out over the landscape and into the horizon.  I had a vision of a healthy body; vivacious and energetic.  I knew I would need to travel a long road to get there, with many obstacles and challenges along the way.  But from the view I had at that moment, I knew it would be worth it.

Now that I’m down in the trenches and traveling the road of healing to get to that place of the healthy and complete me that I had envisioned, I have to rely on that image more than ever.  When I’m wading through the streams and climbing over rocks and through valleys, or in other words, when the road gets so hard that it almost doesn’t seem worth it, I put the vision of the horizon back into my mind.  I mentally place myself back on top of the mountain peak where I could see the horizon so clearly.  This perspective reminds me how magnificent that place is, and it reminds me that it’s worth the road that I am traveling now.  I also stop and recognize all that I have to be grateful for on this journey.  I have guides that are helping to show me the way; family, friends, medical and alternative doctors, and others who have had similar experiences.  As I rely on their wisdom, pieces of what they say help guide me through the obstacles I am facing.  I continue to meet many people along this journey, that metaphorically invite me to sit at their campfire with them.  Some of the advice I receive from them is beneficial to me personally, and some of it I have to use my own judgement on to determine whether or not it is right for me.  I’m learning a lot along this journey, and even though at times I may feel stuck, if I look back I begin to realize that I am actually making progress toward my goal.  I may not be there yet, but I’m heading toward it, and that is progress.  When things begin to seem impossible, I put the vision of the horizon back into my mind; and with that vision, I have hope and determination to keep moving forward toward that magnificent place where I know I will some day be!

 

Photo by Julentto Photography on Unsplash

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Balance

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I’m grateful that I’m making progress toward a more balanced life…

As a mother of 6 children, there are always plenty of things to do.  In addition to all the roles I play as a mother, I’ve also been very involved in church and community service, as well as running my own business of teaching Kindermusik classes–music classes for young children.  I’ve worked hard and pushed through a lot since my high school days, always staying very busy and involved in a lot of things. Through all of these years, I’ve experienced some kind of trial with my health, but I’ve usually been able to push through and continue to stay involved.  My illness would be considered an invisible one, where most people don’t see from the outside what is going on inside. I used to say to myself, “Fake it ’til you make it.” I would push and push, paying very little attention to what I needed to do to take care of myself.

About 6 or 7 years ago, this finally started to catch up to me.  I didn’t really notice its effects at first, but gradually I started to realize that I was feeling irritated all the time. I was deeply tired to the point where I couldn’t push anymore, and eating was becoming more and more of a challenge as my body continued to react to more foods and my stomach hurt all the time. There were many other physical symptoms as well, but I had been living with those for so long and they had become such a part of me that I guess I just got used to dealing with them.  They certainly weren’t my friends, but I had learned to tolerate them.  

As things started to get worse, it became harder to tolerate my symptoms, and harder to push through them.  I had been going to a variety of doctors and health care professionals, and they all kept telling me that I needed to slow down, de-stress and take better care of myself.  I didn’t listen very well.  I kept thinking that I could still handle it all; that I could keep pushing at the same level and still somehow get feeling better.  It wasn’t until I really started crashing that I finally began to pay attention.  Thank goodness I didn’t crash extremely low, but I could feel an inner weakness happening and I started to realize that if I didn’t make some changes, I was really going to crash, in a way that would maybe be very difficult to rise from.

Balance; that’s what I needed!!

Balance… I believe it’s one of the key things to learn in this life.  One definition that I found for balance, as a noun is: “an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.”  Another definition, as a verb: “keep or put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall.”  Both of these definitions use the word “steady”.  If we have balance, we are able to be steady; remain upright and not fall.

Finding balance is something that I’m always seeking for and working on.  I believe in order to have optimal health and joy in life, we need to have balance–physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  That makes a lot of things to work on, and it can be very overwhelming at times.  So I think it’s important to have good perspective on this, gathering knowledge for the things we will need to do, then moving forward with implementing those things one step at a time.  

The stones in the picture were carefully positioned one stone at a time, being adjusted and moved around until they were in just the right spot where they could remain steady.  Each stone tower that is built is going to be balanced in different ways.  Some of the stones may take longer to get in a place where balance will be achieved, and some of them may stay for a while and then fall, needing to be adjusted again into a more stable position. And some of the stones may never fit into the right position and will need to be tossed aside, with a new stone being discovered that will take its place and remain steady.  

We can learn about balance for our own lives through this stone tower metaphor.  Each one of us is unique and will need to build our own towers in different ways to achieve balance for our own lives.  As we gather pieces of information from various resources along our journey, we should choose the stones that we feel will fit the best for us to achieve our own balance.  Some of the pieces may work for a while, but may only be temporary. After a while we may need to toss them aside and find other stones that create a better balance as we move forward.  And with some of the stones, we may find that they just don’t work for us at all, and so we keep searching for better stones that will fit for our own personal tower.  

We have to find what works for us individually and be willing to work at it for a while to find the right stones that will help us to become more steady.  None of the towers are perfect and none of them are the same.  Balance is different for each of us, and although we may not be able to create the perfect balance in our lives all the time, I believe that we can work toward that and find a place where we can feel more steady and remain upright as we travel through our journey and our trials, whether they be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual.

I’m getting better at building my stone tower now.  I am still learning and feel that I have much more to learn, but now instead of running so hard and fast all the time and constantly knocking my tower off balance, I’m carefully looking for the right stones and taking the time to put each one into its correct position. It’s a work in progress, and I think I’m finally heading toward a more balanced life!

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One Drop at a Time

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I’m grateful for each drop that I can give…

A pond begins as a puddle, which begins as a drop.  As one drop after another falls into the hole, eventually it fills to the top.

A glass of water fills to the brim first with one drop, then another, until enough drops collect to fill the glass to the top.

One drop at a time.

Last summer as I was walking after a rainstorm, I saw this leaf on the sidewalk.  To me it was a beautiful sight, and it made me ponder about the idea of one drop at a time.  I often get very overwhelmed with all of the events and tasks in my life.  It’s hard to figure out how all those things can fit into the space that I have.  The problem is that I want to fill that space right now.  I want to accomplish everything that my mind wants to do, and fill the glass as quickly as possible. But does it really matter when or how fast the glass gets filled, or does it matter more that it is simply happening, one drop at a time?

The important thing is to make sure that as I contribute each drop, that I give myself credit for those things, instead of tearing myself down for all the other drops I haven’t poured in. (If you haven’t read this blog post about Drops of Awesome, I suggest that you read it.)

With a chronic illness, I’m realizing more and more that my lists and expectations of myself need to change. I can’t expect to fill my glass all in one day, and in fact it’s actually worse for me if I try to do that.  My cup may take a very long time to fill, and to even think about filling a pond is far too overwhelming.  So instead of putting that kind of expectation on myself, I can focus on smaller things, like the leaf; filling it one drop at a time each day with the things that are most important for me. Important for my body, my mind, my spirit and my connections with others. Those are the most important things, and maybe if I first take care of those things, I might be able to add a few more drops of the other things here and there.

One drop. Look carefully at the picture. Notice how one drop fills so much of the space the leaf has. What drop can I add today that will make a difference? Maybe it’s sitting and reading a book with my child, or making a phone call to someone who is struggling to let them know I care. Maybe it’s taking a nap so that I can have enough energy to make dinner for my family and spend some time with them around the table. I may not be able to give enough drops to fill a cup or a pond, but maybe I can give a few of the most important drops; enough to fill a leaf.. one drop at a time!

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Pieces

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I’m grateful for the pieces of the puzzle….

Over the years as I’ve searched for answers to why I was feeling so horrible, I saw numerous doctors and had numerous tests.  As time went on and no answers were found, I began looking outside of the traditional medical field.  I was led to many different people and places in the alternative world where my search continued.  My husband and I have also done extensive research on our own.  With each test, doctor’s visit or article I read, whether through traditional or alternative medicine, I would learn something new.  Sometimes what I learned was that I didn’t have a particular condition or problem, and sometimes I would find answers to a portion of my problems.  But I never went to one place or doctor where I found the full solution.

Recently as more answers have been coming, I am looking back on all the previous experiences I’ve had, and I’m realizing that each one of those tests, doctors, naturopaths and research, have given me a piece to my own puzzle.  This journey is like a puzzle, with many scattered pieces spread out in confusion.  As I learn something through each test or suggestion given, it’s as though I’m picking up one piece of the puzzle at a time and finding where it belongs.  Each piece has its own place.  I search for the right color or shape that will somehow fit into what is already there, and then one by one, pick up each piece to put it in its proper spot.  I’m beginning to realize that maybe there isn’t one big answer to my issues; one answer that will suddenly appear and solve all my problems.  Maybe my solution lies in the pieces, that when put together, will make up the whole. I’m grateful to all of those who have given me pieces to my puzzle along the way.  It gives me hope to think that at some point, all the pieces will fit together and I will have all the answers I need to heal and maintain a healthy me.

Sometimes there are pieces that are almost identical; ones that get repeated again and again from different sources.  I think I need to pay close attention to those pieces, and make sure that I’m finding a way to fit them in.  Those pieces, the ones that keep coming to me from different sources, may be the key pieces to my puzzle.

Whether in chronic illness or other challenges, life is like a puzzle for each of us.  When things get really hard to understand because we can’t see the whole picture, if we can take some time to ponder on the various pieces we’ve been given, we can begin to see that we actually have been receiving answers along the way; pieces to the puzzle that will fit together as we learn how to put our own puzzle together, piece by piece.

Photo by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash