conquer Archives • Chronic Gratitude - Using Gratitude to cope with chronic illness and other life struggles

July 1 2018

You’ve Got This!

Jill Conquer, Encouragement, Gratitude, Perspective, Press Forward conquer, encouragement, hope, perspective, press forward, support, vision 0

I’m grateful that there’s always hope…

I’m down in the trenches right now; wading through the waters and climbing up and down some rough terrain. It gets discouraging in these spots. When I’m here, I start to lose hope that I’m going to find the right answers and heal. I question if the things I’m trying to do for healing are the right things and if I’m on the right road. There are those moments when things seem to be improving; when I feel better for a while. During those times I get so excited and have great hope that I’m moving forward in the right direction. But then suddenly my body crashes. I’m filled with pain and fatigue, and my stomach reacts to anything that I eat. After this goes on for several days, the discouragement really sets in, and I start to allow myself to lose hope.

This is when I mentally pull myself back to the mountain peak where I have a clear view of the horizon. I’m having to remind myself to do this again now. I have to fight against the negative forces that are pulling me down. I have to remind myself to keep pressing forward and not stay stuck in the quicksand, and to stay focused on the positive so that it can grow and I can hold on to hope. I have to rely on the knot that is strong and keeps me going; to have faith that I will make it through. I’ve written about all of these things, and I truly believe in these principles and have seen them work for me many times before. So now when the discouragement is here, I have to do some mental work- to put myself back to these places and really use these tools to help me continue on this rocky road toward my goal of a healthy and energetic body.

I know the journey is hard! I know it gets so tiring to keep pushing through the challenges over and over again. We have our moments of discouragement and moments when we wonder if the effort is even worth it. I don’t understand the degree of what you may be going through or how severe your challenge may be, but I do know that it’s hard! So I want to encourage you and encourage myself. I’m standing at the sidelines cheering us on. We can do this! Let’s think about our view of the horizon and remember how magnificent it is, and how possible it really is! We’re going to get there; I just know it!!

You’ve got this!!

Photo by Tommy Lisbin on Unsplash

June 14 2018

PILES!!

Jill Balance, Conquer, Gratitude balance, conquer, Gratitude, piles 0

PILES!! I used to think I would be able to get on top of them; that somehow, if I could just have a full day with lots of energy and no interruptions, I would be able to make the piles disappear. But the only thing that ever happened was that the piles kept building up, and instead of me getting on top of them, they multiplied and kept getting on top of me!

In order for me to be involved in my kids’ lives and in church and community service, I had to let some things go. I couldn’t do it all, but I didn’t want to give up the things that were most important to me and that kept me going when otherwise I would have given up. I needed those things at the time, and saved my energy to do the things that I felt were most important. But since I couldn’t keep up with everything, something had to give, and that usually meant things around the house. Thus, the piles!!

The laundry was the most troubled spot. I could manage to get the clothes into the washer, then transfer them to the dryer, then to a basket. That was it. I couldn’t make it past that point. Because the clothes sat in piles in the laundry baskets, when the kids needed something to wear, usually needing it right away on their way somewhere, they would tear through the piles to get what they needed, while leaving more piles behind them on the floor. It felt like a rat-race. There wasn’t a good system, and I could never seem to get on top of things enough to create one. This is literally what my laundry room looked like week after week, for years. I’m sure I could have managed to keep up with the laundry if that was all I had to do, but since I was juggling so many different things with a limited amount of energy, this was the result with the laundry. Even though I was pretending to sleep in the picture, which was taken many years ago (sorry for the pixelation), I was so exhausted and overwhelmed that I didn’t know how to even start tackling the pile, and I would often just stare at it or collapse in exhaustion or tears.

I was so grateful to have a laundry room with a door, and I would pull it closed, hoping for more energy to tackle it the next day. Sometimes I would manage to get half of the pile folded and put away. And sometimes I would even manage to get it all folded, spread over the entire family room floor, while I was watching a movie at night after the children had gone to bed. However, by the time the folding was done, I was too tired to stay up any longer to put it all away. So there it would stay until I had the time and energy as I would try and get my young children to stay off the piles of now folded clothes and help me transfer them to the drawers. Every once in a while, I would get caught up on the piles of laundry- when my mom would come for the weekend and take over the job, or when I would finally agree to have a friend help me once in a while. My amazing husband tried to help all that he could, but with his demanding internet business that he ran for almost 20 years and being on call 24/7 the entire time, he had his hands full on the evenings and Saturdays that he was home trying to keep up with the yard, household repairs, and spend time with the kids and I.

The laundry room wasn’t the only spot that had piles. They were all over the kitchen counter, in the office, bedrooms, and behind closed closet doors. As the piles would build and build, only being tackled in small increments here and there, my anxiety and frustration over them would build and build as well.

I share this to show you my reality, and the reality of those who have chronic illnesses of various kinds. I’m not seeking for sympathy, but I want to help others realize that they are not alone in this battle. And if you know someone with a chronic illness and you just don’t understand why they can’t accomplish what seem to be simple tasks at times, please have empathy for them and realize that they are fighting real battles and they need support, not more piles added to their already heavy burdens.

I’m very grateful to say that my husband’s work has changed and he has now taken over the laundry! Through some of his own moments of realization, he has come to understand how much these piles are pulling me back from making better progress in my healing. There are still plenty of other piles all throughout the house, but having the laundry baskets empty and clean clothes neatly in drawers has lightened my burdens immensely. I’m still working on getting to the other piles. If I look at them for too long, I get very overwhelmed again. So I usually choose to look past them or close another door, waiting for the right moment when things will work out to be able to tackle all the other piles- one paper, one box, one pile- or drop– at a time!

May 22 2018

CONQUER

Jill Conquer, Gratitude conquer, grateful, mountains, perspective, small steps 0

I’m grateful that I’m learning how to allow my body to heal…

Some days, I feel like I can conquer the world! And some days, it feels like the world is going to conquer me. Those days are really hard, because my mind wants to do one thing, but my body decides it’s going to do something else. I used to beat myself up with guilt and pressure that I wasn’t doing everything I needed to or even wanted to. And over time, I’ve learned that being hard on myself and trying to push through everything regardless of what my body is saying, only adds to the problems my body is already experiencing.

But in recent months, I’ve been learning to listen to what my body needs and give it a break when it needs it. On days like this, I’ve learned to give myself some slack. Sometimes that’s frustrating, because it gets in the way of some of the things I want to accomplish. But it also helps knowing that I am doing something important, and that is letting my body heal. Right now I’m on a quest of healing, and in order to allow my body to do that, I have a job of listening to it and taking care of it better than I ever have before.

I’ve tried to come up with some things that I want to accomplish that don’t take much energy or effort. Like doing things on the computer that are productive but don’t use much energy, such as journal writing or family history work. Or listing in my mind things I’m grateful for, pondering about things that are important to me, or making plans in my mind of things that I just haven’t had the time to think about. Then I’m still accomplishing things, and that makes me feel better.

But there are some days that everything seems so overwhelming and even thinking about those things is too much, and I just have to lie around on the couch, sleep, read a book or watch movies. And that’s okay, too. I’ve learned to look at those things as part of my healing, because sometimes my body and mind just need to take a break from it all. I know as I listen and take care of myself now, that I will be able to heal, and then I will have more energy to do those things that my mind desires.

So for now, I remind myself that when I give my body what it needs, I AM CONQUERING!!

Give yourself some slack and learn to conquer in new ways too! Remember, “conquering” doesn’t always mean making it to the top of the mountain, or checking off everything from your list. Change your perspective and give yourself credit for the various ways that you conquer! Be grateful for the things that you are able to do, even if they seem small or inadequate. And whether or not you’re at the top of the mountain, you can still throw your hands in the air in celebration, because YOU ARE CONQUERING, TOO!!

Photo by Samuel Clara on Unsplash